But really I'm still waiting for him.
My strong, healthy man that left for Honduras ready to take on anything that came his way, is still not really back.
His body is broken. It cries out in so much pain, he doesn't but it does.
Today is not a good day.
Doctor after doctor telling him different things. Tests, so many tests. Drugs. I believe he is on his third now. But still nothing. Every night I go to bed and I tell him that tomorrow he is going to wake up feeling great... but I lie, because he doesn't.
The fevers, the swelling, and the intense pain is beginning to take it's toll on this strong man of mine.
I'm ready for my husband to be back. I'm ready for him to play hockey with my son, and take my daughter on their Saturday morning breakfast dates. I miss our evening walks together and his get up and go attitude.
And then I think of my selfishness. If these are my wants, what about his? But he is a man of great patience. He never complains. I know he is full of peace, such peace that can only come from God. How blessed I am to have such a man to share my life with.
I was reminded yesterday of the importance of giving thanks... in all circumstances.
So I will.
Today I am thankful for:
* Joel. my very best friend. my partner for life.
* my dear children
* family and friends who call and email everyday asking how J is doing and lifting him up in prayer
* my health, that I am strong enough to look after my family
* my dog, who lies beside J, keeps him company when the rest of us are swirling in and out of the house
* Doctors, who are trying ever so hard to determine what is going on
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34:8
I am choosing to trust. To take refuge in our amazing God who truly does work things out for the good of those who love Him. He is bigger than all of this.
So really, all that's left is to stand on my knees in prayer. To trust and be thankful.
much love,
Larajane
