little tears...

It was long past his bedtime when I heard his little feet coming down the stairs. He should have been fast asleep.  But he wasn't.
Tears were brimming his beautiful big brown eyes as he clung to his favourite teddy bear.
He came over to me on the couch and buried his head into my arms.
I held him so tightly.
I could feel my eyes begin to get hot with tears, and I began to cry along with him.
All he said was "something really bad happened in the United States on Friday."
I agreed.
He had heard about the shooting in Connecticut. He had heard about the children being murdered while at school. He also knew that teachers died as well as the principal.
His safe little world had yet another crack in it.
He began to sob.
Joel asked if he was scared of it happening here. He replied kind of, but mostly he was sad for the kids and the families.
We prayed for the families.
We cried out for God to grant His peace on the hurting, to comfort those who had lost a loved one.

There has been much written and reported on this tragedy these past few days. It hurts to think about it. Blocking it out of my mind would be so much easier. I can't though. These were children. Teachers. They were all God's precious creation. To mourn with their families seems okay. To pray for them feels  right.

Hold your little ones tight. Breathe in their scent. Twirl their hair between your fingers. Thank our amazing Heavenly Father for blessing you with such gifts.

"A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn."

Day 8

A Gift Sweet, Salty & Sipped

1. Chocolate chip cookies

2. Doritos

3. Latte

Day 7

November - Counting Gifts

3 Gifts From My Window

1. The beautiful fall colours

2. My girl

3. My boy

Day 6

Counting Gifts

3 Gifts Government

1. We have the right to vote

2. We have the freedom to dress how we like

3. We have the freedom of speech

Day 5

Counting Gifts

3 Gifts acorn-small

1. My wedding rings

2. Memory cards for my camera

3. iPod shuffle I run with

Counting Gifts

Day Four

A Gift Gathered, Given, and Good

1. Dinner with family

2. Hadley's birthday! A new dog bed and bone

3. Anne of Green Gables with my kiddos

Day 3

November - Counting Gifts

3 Gifts that start with N

1. Night sky turning to light

2. Naps

3. Nurses

November - Counting Gifts

Day Two

3 Gifts Worn

1. Running shoes

2. Lululemon running pants

3. Warm winter coat

November - Counting Gifts

Day One

3 Gifts Eaten

1. Raisin Toast

2. Apple

3. Mini Kit Kat

A Challenge. Because I like challenges. I will *try* to blog every day this month...

When all that's left...

He's been home for two and a half weeks now.
But really I'm still waiting for him.
My strong, healthy man that left for Honduras ready to take on anything that came his way, is still not really back.
His body is broken. It cries out in so much pain, he doesn't but it does.
Today is not a good day.
Doctor after doctor telling him different things. Tests, so many tests. Drugs. I believe he is on his third now. But still nothing. Every night I go to bed and I tell him that tomorrow he is going to wake up feeling great... but I lie, because he doesn't.
The fevers, the swelling, and the intense pain is beginning to take it's toll on this strong man of mine.
I'm ready for my husband to be back. I'm ready for him to play hockey with my son, and take my daughter on their Saturday morning breakfast dates. I miss our evening walks together and his get up and go attitude.
And then I think of my selfishness. If these are my wants, what about his? But he is a man of great patience. He never complains. I know he is full of peace, such peace that can only come from God. How blessed I am to have such a man to share my life with.
I was reminded yesterday of the importance of giving thanks... in all circumstances.
So I will.

Today I am thankful for:

* Joel. my very best friend. my partner for life.
* my dear children
* family and friends who call and email everyday asking how J is doing and lifting him up in prayer
* my health, that I am strong enough to look after my family
* my dog, who lies beside J, keeps him company when the rest of us are swirling in and out of the house
* Doctors, who are trying ever so hard to determine what is going on

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34:8

I am choosing to trust. To take refuge in our amazing God who truly does work things out for the good of those who love Him. He is bigger than all of this.

So really, all that's left is to stand on my knees in prayer. To trust and be thankful.

much love,
Larajane

September

He made the moon to mark the seasons,
and the sun knows when to go down.
Psalm 104:19

What a wonderful part of the world we live in. We have just endured one of the warmest and driest Septembers down here on the west coast. I love entering into a new season, for every new season we enter is the beginning of something new.

This past month has been a big month of new beginnings. El is now in fifth grade and her final year of elementary school. Connor is in third grade and has developed a huge passion for hockey. He would be on the ice 24/7 if possible! El has begun hip hop as well as gymnastics and is carrying on with cross country and piano.

I have started a new role at our church as the Coordinator of Women's Ministry. I am loving it and God has been so faithful to bring many encouraging women alongside of me.

Joel has just returned from his first Mission's trip to Honduras where he worked with a team to get clean water into a school.

Although our lives are full, my heart is full. God graciously gives me time everyday to dwell in His word and to be challenged to go out into this magnificent world and shine.

Here are some pics from this past month...

We started the month on Pender Island

Golf date with Joel!

re-finished a bench

El at her cross country meet

Meet the teacher night!

Traceycakes with my girl!

Shopping!

Connor's hockey game

Saying goodbye to the old farmhouse my BFF grew up in

aka my second home

Early morning walk with Hadley

Homework time with Connor

Much love

larajane

worry

therefore I tell you

do not worry about your life

oh, the number of times I have read this verse.

what you will eat or drink;

or about your body

what you will wear

why have i allowed worry to consume so many hours of my life? so many days? weeks?

is not life more important than food

and the body more important than clothes?

i need to trust.

look at the birds of the air

they do not sow or reap or store away in barns

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them

i need to fill my mind with those things that are good.

i need to not allow these worrisome thoughts to consume me.

are you not that much more valuable than they?

can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

i do know God loves. He provides. He comforts. He heals.

so what is the difference between worry and genuine concern

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

* worry immobolizes

* concern moves you to action

God loves us more than anyone else does on this earth. why would I not trust Him with my life, my husband's life, my children's lives? 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.    Romans 8:28

Salmon Lake - August 2012

This is the second year we have done a McAllister camping trip. There is quite a crew of us! Mom and Dad, and seven families, all with kiddos! It was hot this past weekend, but thankfully there was a pool and a lake full of fish! Here are a few shots from the weekend!

Connor and Hadley

Jack and Silas

Connor

view from our tent

Gavin

Gavin and Amanda

Kate

Connor and Jonas

You can check out Brooke's pics fromthe weekend here... www.brookaphotographic.com

goodbyes

gym pass
gum
a single glove
an old church directory
hospital bracelet
a hairband of Elissa's from when she was 3
countless lip gloss
pens
Starfield cd
running reflector band
ferry transfer to Otter Bay
realtor business card
hand cream
paint swatch
hair elastics
a pink button from one of Elissa's jackets
red hot wheels car
baby wipes

All of these items were removed from my beloved Volvo that I drove and loved for 7 great years.
So many wonderful memories encapsulated in this vehicle.
It took my wee ones to preschool, our family down the coast, over to Pender Island, up to the Okanagan and everywhere in between.
It faithfully carried my camera equipment all over the Lower Mainland and was a treasured resting place after a grueling hot yoga class or an 18km run.
But life changes. Seasons come and go and kids grow up. Families have different needs.
This fall will bring a flurry of activity for our family. The kids will be in activities nearly everyday, our church is now on the other side of town, and where I am working in Women's Ministry will take me throughout the Lower Mainland on a weekly basis.
The Volvo was getting on and the kilometres were piling up. The increasing price of gas and filling up every week was not sitting well with me. So last week we said goodbye.
All is well.
Life is good.

much love,
larajane

{community}

They come prepared.
Buckets.
Nets.
Rubber boots.
They are on a mission. Children from the ages of 4-10 gather at the "pond." Together they work as a team. They build bridges. Bridges that stretch from one side of the pond to the other, but are so narrow that when one yells "emergency!" the rest clear off so they can get through with their catch. They are collecting tadpoles.
I admire their perseverance. Their teamwork and camaraderie. They encourage and build each other up. They celebrate when a team member has a great catch.
When one goes down and needs to go home because she is soaking wet from head to toe, they all pack up and go home with her.
Our young children have figured out the importance of working together and how to celebrate each other's wins!

They give me hope for the future. They give me hope that one day these children will be strong leaders in the church. They would be encourager's and doers. They will work together for the kingdom of God.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. ³ Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ⁴ For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. ⁵ There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, ⁶ and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all. 

-Eph. 4:2-6

14 years

Here we are in the lovely month of June, with only a couple more weeks of school and schedules. It's been dreary, wet, and even a wee bit cold. But that it ok. It is ok, because life has been full and my heart is full.
I turned to Joel randomly in the kitchen the other day and asked him if he was happy. His eyes smiled back at me, he put his arm around me and said, I have great kids, a great job, a roof over my head... and I have you. Yes, I am very, very happy. How his words filled my heart with joy, how his arms surrounded me with love, and how he reminded me of this sweet boy 14 years ago that met me at the end of the aisle and said with tears in his eyes "I do."
Anyone who has said those words knows that marriage isn't easy. I saw this the other day and wanted to share. In a world where we are always told the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, I thought this was a good reminder of what God calls us to in marriage.



much love
larajane

5 months old!

KateJackJonas
Kate

Kate

Hadley - Day 4

Yep, she's pretty mellow.

Hadley

My newest little companion. Technically she's El's pup, an early birthday present. We love her to bits and think she's rather perfect!

Yoga 101

What started out as a regular old yoga class soon became something different this cold winter morning.

The streetlights were non-responsive as I drove down the hill. The yoga studio was dark. The power was out. I poked my head in the door to see if anyone was there for the 10:30 class, sure enough there was and the class was on. Who can't do yoga in a bright natural daylight studio anyway, no need to for lights!

As I set out my mat on my carefully chosen spot on the floor I noticed there was only one other mat in the room. Ok, small class today I guess.

My instructor walked in and sat gracefully on her mat. At that point it became obvious I was the only one participating, as the others that had been there had decided to leave because of the lack of power. I told her she didn't need to do the class just for me, but she said we could do a private lesson and work on whatever I wanted.

Such a gift.

It was awesome. She tweaked my alignments, my arms, feet, legs, everything! She pushed me to try things I never thought possible. I even did a headstand on my own! It was so great and today I am so sore! What I had first anticipated to be a morning of deep breathing and stretching turned into an intense workout.

Now to try and run...

{clocks}

My grandfather died a year and a half ago. Besides many wonderful memories, he also left a few of his earthly possessions for us, as his family to enjoy. One of those being a digital alarm clock. Now this isn't just any digital alarm clock, this was probably the first digital alarm clock...ever.

This beauty is now on display in my 7 year old son's bedroom. In all of it's red digital glowing wonder, it still works perfectly, or so I thought.

As we were driving home today, my son says out of the blue, "Mom, I need a new clock in my room." I proceeded to ask him the obvious question of why he thought such things, and he simply replied "time goes by too fast on it."

A mix of sadness, joy, and peace came over me as I pondered his little statement. I told him, yes, time does go by too fast, but it isn't your clock, it's just life.

We have one life to make a difference in this world, to leave this place better than when we first arrived. Each day is a gift and so full of opportunities.

Thank you God for these eye openers, especially when I least expect them.

much love,

larajane

I am in the farmlands, driving through rain.

I turn on the music. The noise is distracting and bothersome. I turn it off.

I have an overwhelming sense of peace come over me.

I think back to this morning when I was reminded of the story of how Samuel had anointed David at age 15. He was one of God's chosen. It wasn't until 22 years later David became king. 22 years of uncertainty, of not knowing when.

It's been 22 days since my job ended, since we left our church. It has been 22 days of "what now God?"

I glance up at a small chalkboard I have in our mudroom before leaving today. Months ago I had scribbled the verse, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." (Psalm 37:7) Little did I know then how meaningful that verse would be.

So I will wait.

For I know that God has me in this time in my life for a reason.

I know it. I feel it. I am so incredibly comforted by this knowledge.

Much love,

larajane

{Snow Day}

Gently falling. The snow is lighter now. I feel as though this little snow globe of a town I live in has been tipped upside down.

How beautiful it is.

How stranded I feel.

So much change is going on in my world right now. I feel I need to keep going, keep busy. Do more.

"Slow down" I hear Him say. "Take rest in me."

"But I don't want to" I whine like a small child.

I need to. I know.

So I start counting again... my blessings, the gifts God has given me so freely.

9. sun shining through my window on this snowy day

10. a laundry basket full of clean, folded clothes

11. antibiotics for my dear girl

12. a warm fireplace

13. hot tea

14. texts from friends

So thankful!

Much love,

larajane

church

It was a day I had been dreading for months.

It was a rush, almost a panic leaving the house this cold and dreary Sunday morning.

We found a parking spot in a an unfamiliar parking lot.

We entered through unfamiliar doors.

Change.

Smiles. People. A lot of people. Confusion.

I wanted out. I wanted to run as fast as I could back to my comfort, the place I had called home for the past six years.

I gave my children's information. I received information. My children were whisked away. A lump in my throat formed as I mourned the thought of not worshipping together as a family this morning.

We found seats among friends. Familiarity. Comfort.

"Out of the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise."

I love this song. I run to this song. Tears pricked my eyes.

"there's no one like you, none like you."

So many people. How can I possibly get to know all these people? And I know there are so many more...

I started thinking. What is church?

Family. Intimacy. Loving. Sharing. Living. Experiencing God's grace together. His love.

So thankful for friends and family who have come alongside us on this journey.

So thankful for God who will meet us anywhere, whether it's in a large church, or a small group of people getting together in a home.

So thankful that God has a wonderful place for our family. That He will bring many amazing people into our lives. And that He is with us always, even in these hard times.

May you experience the wonders of God this week... and share it.

Much love,

larajane

Eleuthera {Freedom}

2012

A new year breaks open and my canvas is blank.

For the paint has yet to be spread, and the ink has yet to form words.

The feeling of uncertainty is slightly overwhelming this day, but the hope I have in God over rides all fear and anxiety I am experiencing.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This verse resonates through every fiber of my being this cool, damp morning.

I put on my running shoes.

I need to trust.

I need to obey.

I need to be faithful.

My hands are cold as I turn down the road past the mailboxes.

I need to forgive.

I need to pray.

I have yet to see a car drive past.

I need to love.

The road is wet, the fog is lifting.

I need Jesus.

This year I want to experience the freedom found only in Christ's love.

I have read a lot lately how people give each a year a "name."

I want this year to be a year of freedom. Eleuthera is the greek word often given to the word freedom. So I am naming 2012 Eleuthera. Here's to the year of freedom!

much love,

larajane