The "Manssage"

Okay, I totally made that word up, but I can't think of another way to describe my massage this past week. First of all I'll fill ya in on some background. Brooke and I were at this conference in Richmond, and Monday was a very intense and rather depressing day for me. We listened to this uber eccentric business guru (which I had mentioned in my previous post) all morning and had a 3 hour break, or maybe it was a 4 hour break, I can't remember now, but it was a significant amount of time to say the least. We noticed there happened to be this beautiful looking spa at the River Rock. Brooke suggested we see if they happened to have any RMT's available during our break. As it turned out they did. B was booked for 12:15 and I was booked for 1:15. I spent my hour without Brooke hanging with some cool photographers as she got manhandled, err, I mean massaged.

1:15 = my turn. In enters my guy (he shall remain nameless to protect his identity). A rather nice looking young fellow. Okay, I can handle this I think to myself. The only other massage I have ever had was by a hippie on Bowen Island, who had hairy armpits and a "massage room" (I have no idea what they're really called) overlooking the ocean where really anyone could walk by and see me. Anyway... back to "the guy." He asks me if there is any particular part of my body that I would like massaged. Uh, yeah, my shoulders and neck please, I reply. On a side note I have been experiencing horrible neck pain on and off for the past month, some nights so bad I can't sleep because every time I move the pain wakes me up, but that is a whole other story.

So he leads me into this lovely, dimly lit room with soft romantic music playing and tells me to take off my robe and lie down. Rrrrriiiight. I give him this look and he says he will leave the room while I do so. Uh, thanks. So, here I am, completely naked under this thin sheet with this man and he's rubbing oil on me. I am at this point feeling somewhat uncomfortable. He tells me that I have a lot of tension in my shoulders... no kidding!!! Let me tell you, this guy had hands. Really strong man hands. It was a painful massage for a person who likes a deep tissue massage, but I didn't want to say anything... I'm not a wimp right? I can handle a simple massage. Anyway, so now he has this heat thing on my a** and he asks me to flip over. He then blindfolds me, okay, slight exaggeration, places a nice warm thing over my eyes and proceeds to massage my scalp. I'm thinking, this is nice. Feeling slightly vulnerable, and not entirely sure the sheet is completely covering my chest, since I'm blindfolded, but figure, what the heck, it's not like there is really much to look at anyway. But it would be nice if there happened to be a panic button handy, you know, just in case. But then I think "Lar, you're being ridiculous!" Okay, then he starts to breathe...hard. I can feel his breath on my head and at one point it feels as though he has touched my head with his... WEIRD!! He them moves to my feet, which I am somewhat relieved, although I am still blindfolded. After a while he gently touches my arm and says in an overly soft voice "our time together is over for today, I will now leave the room for a minute while you put your robe back on." Whew, it was over I survived. Who would have thought a massage could be so stressful?? I felt really good after though. I think from now on I will stick to the female variety.